and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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