Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
