break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
