well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just forgot I was standing up.
I have aggressive nipples.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize