he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
