I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
