Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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