the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize