Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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