How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
