mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There r osticjed everywhere
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
