I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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