I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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