can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
