I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
