i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
