either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
