Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
