Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We just shotgunned beers for America
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
