I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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