Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
