wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
