rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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