Even water is tasting like jack daniels
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
