I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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