I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I want to walk on stilts...naked
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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