if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
