no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
