ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
