Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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