I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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