Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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