I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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