ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Randomize
