Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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