community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
