Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
