hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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