What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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