i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Can I color on your dick again?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
