she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
