Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
