she was so not down for the gang bang
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
