I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
