1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I want to stick my p in your. b.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
