im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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