i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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