you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
