I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
