I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
That accounts for only three of the penises
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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