I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
