"it" just moved
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
