Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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