Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
