I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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