im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
