i jhust puked up my retainher.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize