i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
