Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
