She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
