I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
