Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
