Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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