I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
