it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
