Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
