Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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