I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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